Today’s blog was written by CFSSC Clinician Debbie Bradley; B.A. (Hons) Psychology, MSW, RSW
Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself for someone else’s wrongdoing.
FORGIVENESS IS NOT:
Forgiveness is not affiliated with a particular religion or condones harm done. It does not imply staying in an abusive relationship or unhealthy situation. Forgiveness does not mean denying subsequent feelings to the harm done (anger, sadness, etc.).
FORGIVENESS IS:
Forgiveness is about acknowledging harm done; experiencing associated feelings (anger, sadness etc.) and making a conscious/intentional choice to move through or endure the pain. There is no race and no timeline. However, your quality of life matters!
Forgiveness is about letting go of negative ruminating thoughts, hatred, and resentment, which can negatively impact us, both mentally and physically.
Some of these negative impacts may contribute to symptoms indicative of depression/anxiety. It can also lead to behaviours of isolation resulting in missed time at work/social events with family or friends, or even producing psychosomatic symptoms.
SO HOW DO I START? WHAT STEPS ARE INVOLVED?
It can seem as though we are sitting in a hole so dark and deep, that even the slightest bit of light seems out of reach.
Please know you are not alone.
In working with clients what I have found is: Harm done is first acknowledged/validated and grieved.
In exploring grief it may be important to identify the following: what was lost and/or taken and what might I need now e.g. safety and support.
WHAT NOW?
Is a shift in perspective perhaps needed and/or wanted to let go of resentment or hatred towards others (rather than me holding onto it)? Or do I need and/or want to shift certain thoughts about myself? Example: I’m somehow responsible for others comments or behaviours (self-blame).
HOW?
This is all done with an integrative approach incorporating self-care/ self-compassion and my preference, which is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
If you are interested in booking a session with Debbie or one of our other certified psychologists, please contact us.
